Who wears short shorts?

Dear Daughter,

It’s summertime, and I’ve noticed that a lot of teen and pre-teen girls are wearing super short shorts this year.

I pray with all of my heart that this fashion trend is over and done with by the time you reach that age. “Lord,” I pray, “Please bring back the bermuda short in about 4 years, and keep it around for the following 6 years. Amen.”

I don’t know much about how boys think but I do know that when a girl wears short shorts, boys look at her in a way they wouldn’t if she were wearing, say, a burka. The short shorts make their imaginations roam, because their hands wouldn’t have far to roam if given the chance… *shudder*

Of course, I haven’t been able to wear short shorts since I was likeĀ 6 years old, so maybe I’m just jealous of the girls who can sport them confidently. I have inherited thunder thighs and therefore have never been comfortable wearing any pair of shorts, let alone short ones. I also pray that I haven’t passed on this same gene to you. “Lord,” I pray, “Please save my daughter the misery of always having to figure out ways to cover up her legs, which at times can be just as difficult as covering up a lie. Of course, if you bring back the bermudas, this won’t be a problem anyway. Amen.”

In all honesty, though, my aversion to short shorts has nothing to do with my own inability to wear them. It’s because I know what lots of exposed skin does to a boy, and what that boy’s reaction could do to a girl, and how that could lead to scandal, heartbreak, babies and Welfare.

Am I blowing things out of proportion? Perhaps. But seriously, if you just wear the bermudas, you’ll make me one happy mama.