What not to wear

Dear Daughter,

So I’m totally stealing the name of this post from the TLC show where two fashion experts help poorly dressed people get a new look. We all love a good makeover story, so this show is kind of addicting.

I’ve written before about how you shouldn’t wear PJs to the final exam and that you shouldn’t leave the house without lipstick and earrings. It’s safe to say that I’m kind of a stickler when it comes to personal appearance. But I think anyone would agree with me that the following items are things people (particularly women) should eliminate from their closets, or at least should not wear in public.

1. Pleated pants. It takes a special woman to pull off pleated pants. If she has a single curve in her waistline, forget about it.

2. Leggings without a dress or long shirt. Leggings are meant to be like tights, not like pants. If we see any part of your derriere while wearing leggings, you’ve gone too far, my friend.

3. A scrunchy. The name itself explains why these hair bands should not be a fashion accessory. Scrunchies were wildly popular in the late ’80s/early ’90s and thankfully are pretty much extinct now. But every once in a while I’ll see a woman wearing one and it makes me cringe. It doesn’t even hold the hair well, so it makes this loose ponytail, all bound by this blob of denim or American flag material.

4. Oversized sweatshirts. I’m not a big fan of the sweatshirt in general, though if it’s the right size and occasion, it could work. Lots of women, however, wear sweatshirts that are too big for them, which does not flatter the figure at all. I can appreciate the desire to be comfortable, but it is possible to do so while wearing something that you don’t swim in. On the other hand…

5. Undersized t-shirts. There are just as many women wearing shirts that are waaay too small and clingy for their frame. You see this in young women especially, who are probably trying to look hot but instead it has the reverse effect, by showing off every roll in their upper body. There is a way to look good without having to squeeze into a tight shirt.

6. Short shorts. I’ve said my piece about this. I’ll say no more.

7. Carhart jackets. These are okay if you’re going out hunting or farming. Not for a trip to the mall.

8. Crocs. Some people might disagree with me on this one, but I’ve never understood why these goofy-looking shoes are so popular. They’re ugly, they have holes in them, and they come in weird colors. I’ll admit it’s kinda cute when little kids wear them but if you’re not 5 years old, the Crocs should be replaced with real shoes.

9. Nightgowns. Obviously these shouldn’t be worn in public but not even at home. They’re frumpy, clumsy and can’t be comfortable to sleep in. Opt for the PJ pants instead. (But don’t wear those outside of the house either!)

And lastly…

10. Tattoos. There, I said it. I don’t like tattoos. Especially on women. I’ll leave it at that.

Love,
Mom

**Disclaimer:** I realize this post comes across as a tad judgmental. It’s just that, women are beautiful creatures. And we should display that beauty in a tasteful but still flattering way. It saddens me when I see a woman wearing something that hinders her true beauty. Get pretty, girls! Dress well, ladies! You’ll look great but more importantly, you’ll feel great!

Never leave the house without…

Dear Daughter,

I’m going to pass along some words of wisdom my own mother gave me when I was in my teens. Are you ready for it? Okay, here goes… never leave the house without lipstick and earrings.

Those were Nonna’s words of wisdom, you ask? Yes, those are just some of many, and while this particular advice may seem superficial, it’s actually quite the opposite.

I wrote a while back about why you shouldn’t wear pajamas to the final exam, the reason being that you should wear clothes that make you feel confident and respectable. The same applies to makeup. When my mother gave me the advice above, she was basically saying, “You can go without foundation. You can go without blush. But without lipstick and earrings, you’ll look and feel unfinished, unkempt.”

The emphasis should be on “feel,” because with all things related to beauty, what’s most important is how you feel rather than how you actually look, right? Clothing, shoes, makeup and accessories have this crazy power to influence a girl’s self-esteem (for that day, anyway). When you wear a clumsy outfit, you feel uncomfortable all day, and your mind is focused more on your discomfort than on other, more important things. But when you wear the outfit that best highlights your shape and color, you feel on top of the world, like you can do anything. Your outfit is an extension of the awesome you that you already are. And when you know that, you stop thinking about your appearance and start focusing on social and intellectual productivity.

According to my mother, lipstick and earrings are icing on the cake of all that awesomeness. They bring that last final touch, that extra boost of confidence, because of their subtle ability to make you look polished and put together. These little extras show that you care, that you take pride in your appearance and therefore in yourself. They command respect and dignity.

I’m not saying you should wear bright red lipstick and huge, gaudy earrings every day (in fact, please don’t). Even a neutral shade of lipstick and small hoop earrings will do the trick. It’s about so much more than looking pretty. It’s about taking the time to feel good about yourself.

Love,
Mom

Why you shouldn’t wear PJs to the final exam

Dear Daughter,

We have reached the stage where you and I battle about clothing on a near daily basis. You would be okay with walking out the door wearing cropped red sweatpants, an orange t-shirt with some Disney celebrity’s mug on it, white socks and black tennis shoes. And unbrushed hair.

I, on the other hand, prefer a more polished look. The words you are tired of hearing me say are jeans, skirts and sandals. All three of those items, when worn correctly, make any girl, no matter what age, look both cute and cool. But it’s the “cute” part that makes you nervous. Heaven forbid you look too girly!

Clothing is a means of expressing yourself, yes, and I am all for letting you express your tomboy nature through your wardrobe. Honestly. But there’s a difference between that and wearing pajamas to the final exam. Let me explain…

When I was in college, during finals, lots of girls would come to the classroom wearing their pajamas. Some even wore their slippers. I never understood this. I’m sure they had stayed up all night studying. (Another phenomenon I’ll never grasp. If you get no sleep, chances are good you won’t be mentally focused for your test.) But even so, could they not take 5 minutes from their cramming to throw on some jeans and a t-shirt? Some girls said they wore their PJs because it was more comfortable. So the rest of the year they’d suffered through discomfort in their oh-so-constricting street clothes?

Here’s my philosophy on what to wear to the final exam, and to anyplace you go… you will feel far more comfortable and confident by looking put together than you will by looking like a slob. There, I said it. And “put together” doesn’t have to mean frilly dresses, high heels and lots of makeup. It just means anything that makes you look and feel presentable, polished, poised. (More alliteration… I’m a fan.)

I never wore my PJs to the final exam because when I wear pajamas I feel lazy and sleepy. I want to feel neither lazy nor sleepy while taking one of the most important tests of the year. Rather, I want to be on the ball. I don’t see how it’s possible to be on the ball while wearing loose flannel pants and bunny slippers. So I wore clothing that I felt comfortable in, both mentally and physically. And guess what? I did pretty well on my exams. I didn’t need pajamas to help me get an A.

The moral of the story? Clothing is more than an expression of who you are. It also has the means to inflate or deflate your confidence. When you can combine your inner expression with the ability to look and feel confident and respectable, you’ve succeeded in fashion, as far as I’m concerned. So when I tell you that, no, you cannot wear basketball shorts and a tank top to church, now you know where I’m coming from.

Love,
Mom

Who wears short shorts?

Dear Daughter,

It’s summertime, and I’ve noticed that a lot of teen and pre-teen girls are wearing super short shorts this year.

I pray with all of my heart that this fashion trend is over and done with by the time you reach that age. “Lord,” I pray, “Please bring back the bermuda short in about 4 years, and keep it around for the following 6 years. Amen.”

I don’t know much about how boys think but I do know that when a girl wears short shorts, boys look at her in a way they wouldn’t if she were wearing, say, a burka. The short shorts make their imaginations roam, because their hands wouldn’t have far to roam if given the chance… *shudder*

Of course, I haven’t been able to wear short shorts since I was like 6 years old, so maybe I’m just jealous of the girls who can sport them confidently. I have inherited thunder thighs and therefore have never been comfortable wearing any pair of shorts, let alone short ones. I also pray that I haven’t passed on this same gene to you. “Lord,” I pray, “Please save my daughter the misery of always having to figure out ways to cover up her legs, which at times can be just as difficult as covering up a lie. Of course, if you bring back the bermudas, this won’t be a problem anyway. Amen.”

In all honesty, though, my aversion to short shorts has nothing to do with my own inability to wear them. It’s because I know what lots of exposed skin does to a boy, and what that boy’s reaction could do to a girl, and how that could lead to scandal, heartbreak, babies and Welfare.

Am I blowing things out of proportion? Perhaps. But seriously, if you just wear the bermudas, you’ll make me one happy mama.

Love,
Mom