Why I don’t want to marry Bruno Mars

Dear Daughter,

It’s been a while since I’ve picked on a pop star and/or pop song, and it’s just so much fun to do, so here’s my latest rant…

Bruno Mars has a new song out called “Marry You.” When I first heard it, I loved it because it has an old-school feel, like 60s music, and I absolutely love music from that era. But, like Katy Perry’s Friday song, the catchy sound distracts from the appalling lyrics. When I finally listened to the words of “Marry You,” I was so disappointed.

The song in general appears sweet because he’s basically begging this girl to marry him. But if you really listen, a few themes come across that are simply maddening:

1) Who are you, again? It appears that he doesn’t know this girl very well. “Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice?” (Dancing juice is alcohol.) So he’s basically saying, “I don’t know if it’s because you’re hot or I’m drunk but hey, let’s get married!” How romantic. I sure wish my husband proposed to me that way. Throughout the song it seems he wants to marry her just for the fun of it, not because he’s actually in love with her. In fact, the song has little to do with the girl at all; he’s mainly just trying to convince her to join him in his little prank.

2) Something borrowed, something… dumb? The point above is blatantly reinforced by the lyric, “We’re looking for something dumb to do.” So now marriage is dumb. Why couldn’t he have said “fun” instead of “dumb”? I wouldn’t have had a problem with that. If you’re looking for something dumb to do, Bruno, go teepee someone’s house. Marriage does not and should not fall into that same category.

3) All hail king alcohol. I already mentioned the “dancing juice,” which I’ll admit is kind of a cute, old-school way of describing alcohol. But the eloquence stops there. Because a few verses later he says, “Who cares if we’re trashed…” Nice. And then he says something about how they’ll take shots of Patron (a very strong liquor) to help ease them into the decision. What should be a lifelong commitment, something that should be entered into with clarity of mind, is here being degraded by alcohol, and lots of it.

4) The morning after. I think I would tolerate the song better if it weren’t for the following lyrics: “If we wake up and you wanna break up, that’s cool/ No, I won’t blame you/ It was fun girl.” Those words encourage the common belief that it’s no big deal to end a marriage, and they reinstate the fact that his desire to marry this girl is for the spontaneous experience, not because of love.

The song just saddens me because it is a reflection of our culture’s jaded view of marriage. It’s saying that marriage—one of the biggest decisions you could ever make and one of the most character-building things you’ll ever do—is as easy to walk into and out of as a convenience store. The song totally waters down any respect one might have for the institution of marriage. I’m sure Bruno Mars just wanted a fun, upbeat song that he knew would be a hit, but he’s promoting a dangerous perception of marriage, a perception that’s already pretty screwed up. We didn’t need this song to make it worse.

I told you, I’m sensitive about this all-too-popular view of marriage and I hope you will be too. I also hope that, if a guy were to someday write a song about why he wants to marry you, it’ll be filled with reasons why he can’t live without you. And it won’t include the words “dumb” or “trashed.”

Love,
Mom

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Why you shouldn’t hate on marriage

Dear Daughter,

We live in an anti-marriage culture. Often, marriage is jokingly referred to as slavery or prison. Some people truly believe it is akin to being locked up, kept from true freedom. Divorces are more common than anniversaries. And everywhere on TV, we see story lines of extramarital affairs, fighting, separation. It’s rare, in fact, to see a happily married couple on TV or in the movies.

I’m not sure how it got this way. I don’t think it’s always been like this but who knows. Some say that people have always been unhappy in their marriages, but until recent decades it wasn’t socially acceptable to get divorced, so they just “suffered” through marriage till they died. How depressing.

I know I’ve only been married for a little over a year now, so I guess I’m still a naive newlywed. But I refuse to fall into this way of thinking… that marriage is miserable, unnatural, a metaphor for bondage. I believe that God created marriage to be a blessing. I, for one, love coming home to my best friend every day. I love having a companion to hang out with all the time. I love that I can make decisions with someone rather than having to decide everything for myself.

Is marriage easy? No, not at all. But I think the challenge of it is what makes it even more special. Kind of like parenting. Nothing about parenting is simple, yet you go through the tough times, figure things out, and then cherish the good times even more. The same can be said for marriage.

I feel it’s premature to give you marriage advice, since I’m so new to it myself, and since you have a long way to go before you’ll need it! But I do encourage you now to avoid falling into the culture’s way of thinking about marriage. In fact, not only should you avoid it but you should defy it. I hope you’ll get angry like I do whenever someone “jokes” about how awful their wife is, or when you hear about yet another celebrity divorce. I hope your generation can turn around the stigma that marriage is bound for failure. Instead of focusing on the negatives of marriage, focus on the many positives, and shout those positives from the rooftops.

Strong marriages equals strong families equals less hatred, violence, crime and greed. Be the generation that understands that equation, strives to make it a reality, and therefore changes the sad state of this world.

Love,
Mom